SAT Assignment

As the first post, I will update my draft for the Sat Essay. I'm sorry but SAT Reasoning test is this week, so I can't help it. -_-
SAT writing

Like the other media, television has its own advantages and disadvantages.
People who cling to the positive aspects of television claim that it shows the world other than our own, expanding the scope of neighborhood and apprising the common interests. However, others insist that television isolated people instead of bringing them together. In my opinion, television is not a positive tool for one’s relationship with the people. Even though it gives us a lot of information and offers a vicarious experience, it separated the individuals from the real world, triggering apathies in the world.
In my school life, television was one of the main topics of my gossip with friends. Animation on air, TV stars who showed wonderful performances and our favorite talk show were all the wonderful sources for our talk. TV presented a common background for us and as it consisted of almost all talks, I and my friends spent a lot of time watching it. However gradually television, once a connecting mechanism of my friendships, was not just a tool; it became my hobby, my whole attention taker, and pastime friend. As a natural consequence, I became reluctant to pass time with my friends, thinking about today's TV contents and anticipating the time to watch it. Once a tool for my friendship and my social connection, TV became a sole friend of mine.
At first television surely did show me a lot. An exotic nation I have never heard of, today's fashion trend in the world and story of the poor girl showed dreams come true. She became a world-famous world star. Everything was in it and I felt satisfied. I thought that The time spent with TV was invaluable to me. It was a window I see through the world around me. However I sometimes wanted to talk; I wanted to express my feelings and my opinions on my favorite subjects, but I couldn't. A window which was endless in talking about the world was closed to my opinions. The more I wanted to say about me, the more impenetrable the gaps between me and the world. From that moment, I tried to become closer to my former best friends, but got through hard times. I, who thought that I knew much about the world and its essences, completely forgot to get along with friends, make a good impression and care for others' feelings, which TV never taught me. Even though I managed to revive my former relationships, I went through such hard times to mend it.
In conclusion it is hard to say that TV has no advantages at all; it surely can serve as a substitute for real experience and also give us fun. Yet by narrowing the opportunities to meet the real world, it alienates the people, making impossible the real face to face relationships as can be seen in my own experience. Instead of heeding whole attention to TV, it is necessary to make a real contact with people, who can share one’s feelings, opinions and everything